I was sitting in an IEP meeting and out of no where a bee came right for
me. It ended up gettin
g stuck in my hair and the school nurse, who was
thankfully sitting next to me calmly spent to next two minutes trying to
get it out. We all survived the experience, well except for the bee,
but I knew right away it would make for a great story. Please let me
know if the story makes sense from the bees perspective.
g stuck in my hair and the school nurse, who was
thankfully sitting next to me calmly spent to next two minutes trying to
get it out. We all survived the experience, well except for the bee,
but I knew right away it would make for a great story. Please let me
know if the story makes sense from the bees perspective.
Buzz, Buzz. I see the target just ahead! I am riding
in on some old woman. She seems to be entering the room where the target sits.
I will wait until just the right moment to attack.
This might be trickier than we thought. The room
seems to be filling quickly. Hopefully I can get to the target without interference. She looks vulnerable. I know I can do this. If I rise up
slowly maybe no one will notice me.
Here I go, up slowly, up, steady…
Oh boy, they’re on to me, I better move quick,
I’ll dash ahead, oh no, the target is moving,
down around, almost there…he, I’m in!
Her hair seems to be the perfect landing zone. Now
if these people would stop shouting I could weasel my way in and commence
operation sting this ladies head.
Focus, wiggle, right, left, focus, wiggle, HEY. Hey
wait. Stop. Stop that. Get your hands off of me. Ow, Stop. Hey that tickles.
Can’t you see I’m on a mission? Buzz offffffffffffff.
Seriously?
All that work and my mission is a complete disaster! What a waste. I will just
rest here awhile I guess and redevise my plan.
Maybe it’s a new target that I need. That one was
clearly not as vulnerable as I thought. Maybe I need to rethink this. Maybe,
ohhhhh no, oh boy, I think, I think, I’m the target, noooooooo
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz squish.
EW! I read your background story that inspired this story and literally got chills. I'm a total wimp about bees. I am the person who runs and waves their arms and screams at the sight of a bee. Needless to say, it was very clever to write it from a bee's perspective.
ReplyDeleteAwesome story from the Bee's perspective. You could even make a picture book out of this story. I wouldn't have been so calm as a bee being stuck in my hair. The words flowed easily as I read the story.
ReplyDeleteJenny,
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you took an experience and wrote about it. I hope you will share this with your students--how you got the writing idea and then invite them to write about their own experiences. Furthermore, they probably have some ideas with this piece. Let them give you some suggestions :).
Keep playing with line breaks and font size. For example, Buzz off would be great in expanded font and on its own line. Or even expand on the word TARGET since you use that throughout. In some places it would be fun to have one word on each line or definitely add more paragraph breaks. I too could see this as a picture book.
I don't know much about bees but maybe after a little internet research you could add more information. I am wondering if bees use smell because maybe he was interested in your great smelling hair (shampoo, etc) or the beautiful color of your hair? Adding this detail of why you became his target would help me as reader.
Keep reading it aloud and playing with paragraph/line chunks. You have a great writing piece going. All the best, deanna
Hahaha! This is so cool! I hope you shared this with your students. It would be neat to see how many perspectives your students could come up with. You, the nurse any other people even other bugs in the room...
ReplyDelete